myluckyheartstories

♪ Chapter 4: Missing her

Geff’s POV

“Andrew! Sabi ng mom mo ikaw na ang sumundo kay Carly. Dalian mo’t baka mainip yun ‘don,” Nanay Amelia, one of our housemaids, said as I go down the stairs. My eyebrows automatically rose when I understood what she just said.

“Where’s mom and dad?” Why the hell am I the one who will pick up Carly today? It’s nanay who supposed to do that. Ano nanaman ba ang pakulo nila mommy?

Nanay suddenly turned around; perhaps she heard how irritated I am about the idea. Itinuro niya pa ako gamit ang sandok na ginagamit niya sa pagluluto at pinamaywangan ako. “Kaaalis lang nila. Business related.”

I smiled without humor. Figured.

Lumapit ako kay nanay at hinagkan siya sa noo. “Car?” iritado kong tanong. Alam ko naman na sanay na siya sa akin.

She pursed her lips while looking at me expectantly. “Magcommute ka na lang daw.”

“Seriously?!” What the hell! Anong ginawa ko at bakit ako pinaparusahan nila mom? Dad already banned me from using my own car and now this?! I’ve been a good boy lately!

Nanay bursted in laughter, as if seeing how stressed I am at the very start of the day made her day. “Ay nako Andrew ‘wag nang magreklamo! Pati ‘yang mukha mo nakabusangot na. Hindi magandang tingnan,” she said while her eyes went wide open. I knew she was just joking. I can still remember how she praised my good looks, not that I mind about it.

I bid my goodbye to nanay and went out of the house. For some unknown reason, this house suffocates me. Para bang hindi ako makahinga at madalas bumigat ang pakiramdam ko kapag nasa loob ako. If it weren’t for Carly and nanay’s presence, coming back here wouldn’t even cross my mind. Tutal minsan lang naman kami magkita-kita nila mom at dad, might as well make it a habit.

I didn’t even experienced what a home really felt like. We had this lesson about the distinction between a house and a home, and I realized that what we have is the former, the latter is just beyond impossible.

I put my hands inside my pocket to get my keyless remote as a habit. I stopped though when remembered that I have no car... at least for now. Pumikit ako at ikinuyom ang mga kamay. I sigh, frustrated. Yeah, I think I have no choice then. I have to go back to that place again even if I don’t really like to. It’s just that... going there brings back memories.

Childhood memories... memories of the past.

I really wanted to get rid of them. Past right? It should be forgotten most especially if those were not so memorable and pleasant to remember.

I just don’t understand why they’d entrusted Carly in that place. I told my parents not to but they insisted. Of course, they, of all people, knew about my past. It’s a trauma that kept on hunting me for years now. And my parents are obviously very oblivious for ignoring that fact.

Binuksan ko na ang gate ng bahay. Commute. The idea of me riding a jeep or a taxi annoys the hell out of me! Hindi naman sa maarte ako. Hindi lang ako sanay. Fuck that. Hindi sa hindi sanay... hindi pa lang talaga ako nakakaranas.

I decided to walk my way towards the exit of this village to clear my mind when I saw a familiar car approaching me. Malaki ang ngiti ni Phin nang bumaba siya sa sasakyan kahit na hindi pa iyon tuluyang nakakahinto. Halos matawa pa ako dahil mukha siyang batang nakakita ng laruan habang lumalapit sa akin. This girl will probably make me her toy again and will annoy me again but it’s okay with me. Sanayan lang ‘yan.

“Geff!” she shrieked. Ilang chocolates na naman kaya ang kinain nito at ganito kataas ang energy niya? Agad niyang ginulo ang buhok ko nang makalapit siya sa akin. “Buti naabutan kita. Sabi ni Nanay Amelia susunduin mo raw si Carly?” She laughed again when she saw me scowled at her while fixing my hair. Kambal nga sila ni Darren. Hobby kasi nilang guluhin ang buhok ko. “Tara samahan na kita. Kasama ko naman ‘yung driver namin kaya sabay na tayo.”

My face lit up in the invitation. Nice timing! I really need this. “Okay.”

One more thing I forgot... Phin is one special girl.

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“Know what? Alex asked me out! Gosh, kinikilig ako!” Sinasabi niya ‘yan habang hinahampas ako. Are girls really like this?

Sumandal ako ng maayos sa upuan, humalukipkip at pumikit habang iniisip ang mukha ni Phin ngayong kinikilig siya. “So?” walang gana kong tanong.

Malakas niya akong hinampas sa balikat kaya naman halos napatalon ako. “Anong so-so ka dyan?! Isipin mo na lang, ‘yung dating pinagpapantasyahan ko ngayon boyfriend ko na! Tapos... tapos...” She shrieked again that made me so tempted to jump out of the car. “... niyaya niya ako sa date!”

“What the hell? Don’t shout!” inis kong utas sa kanya habang hinihimas ang balikat kong pakiramdam ko ay may bahid na ng mga marka, epekto ng kilig sa isang Phoenix Ramirez. Battered bestfriend talaga lagi ang labas ko kapag ito ang kasama ko.Well... Darren is another story.

Kumunot lalo ang noo ko nang nakita si Phin na nakatitig sa akin. Para bang may nakita siyang kaaya-aya sa mukha ko. The whole package is already attractive, hindi pa ba siya nasanay sa nakikita niya halos araw-araw? “Nako! Eto nanaman si sunget Geff. Ang cute cute!”

“Don’t you dare pinch my cheeks.” Pinangunahan ko na. Other girls say that this face is good-looking, samantalang ang isang ‘to ay sinasabing‘cute’. I’m not a fucking dog.

   

Inirapan niya ako at saka ginaya ang upo ko. Ngumuso pa siya at bumulong-bulong. Napangiti tuloy ako. Ang cute kasi niya kapag nakapout. Isip bata talaga. Wait... did I just think of the word cute? She’s not a fucking cat!

I sigh, feeling ridiculous over the things that running in my mind. I heard what Phin said earlier at the back of my mind. Phin and that guy have been together for almost 1 week. At first, I thought he's not serious with Phin but as time went by, napatunayan naman niya sa amin ni Ren na mahal nga niya ‘to. But I don’t know why I can’t trust him fully. I have this feeling that... he’s up to something definitely not good. Of course I wouldn’t dare tell this to Phin or Ren. Sugurin pa ako ng kambal na ‘to.

We arrived at that place maybe at twelve in the afternoon? One hour lang naman ang byahe. Bumuhos sa akin ang mga alaalang pilit kong kinakalimutan nang tumuntong kami sa lugar na iyon. Heaven Orphanage. How I missed this place but still... I feel so vulnerable.

‘It's gonna be me, baby

It's gonna be you, baby’

We were walking towards Carly’s room inside the orphanage when I heard Phin’s ringtone. Biglang nagliwanag ang mukha niya samantalang dumilim naman ang tingin ko sa phone niya. Nang nakita ang caller ay nakangiti at kinikilig siyang bumaling sa akin. “Geff una ka na doon. Tumatawag si Alex eh.”  Pumasa-ere nanaman ang mga kamay niya kaya naman mabilis na akong lumayo. Humalakhak lang siya. “Alam na baka matagalan.”

I just nod. Baka kapag nagsalita ako ay iba pa ang masabi ko.

Dumiretso ako sa building kung saan naroon ang room na madalas pag-iwanan sa mga bata pagkatapos nilang kumain ng breakfast, perhaps brunch as well, at maglaro. Kailangan kong magmadali dahil ayoko nang mas magtagal pa sa lugar na ‘to.

Each second that passes by while I stay here is slowly killing me... suffocating me.

Mabilis ko namang nakita kaagad ang hinahanap ko. Naririnig ko na rin ang ingay ng mga bata sa room na iyon. Sumilip ako’t hinanap ng mga mata ko ang napakaganda kong kapatid. Then right there and then, when I saw another special girl of my life, the torture of staying here lessened. Carly really radiates with so much happiness and hope kaya naman gano’n din ang nararamdaman ko kapag nakikita ko na siya.

“Ako po si Carla Lynnette Mendez. Pwede ninyo po ako tawaging Carly,” nakangiti niyang pakilala sa mga kasama niyang bata habang nasa harapan siya.

  

“Iho, may hinahanap ka ba?” Bumaling ako sa boses na nagmula sa likod ko at nakita ang isang madre na nakangiti sa akin. Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Carly.

  

“Ah, wala naman po. Susunduin ko lang po sana ang kapatid ko but she’s still enjoying her company so...”

“Sister Mary! Magluto ka na ng pagkain para sa tanghalian. Darating na mayamaya si Sister Malou eh. Pati maraming bata ngayon dito. Si Jane baka magising na rin.” Bumalik ang tingin ko sa likod ko at isang madre nanaman ang bumungad sa akin. Kausap nito iyong madre na unang kumausap sa akin.

“Sige. Ako nang bahala.”

“Bumalik ka rin ulit dito sister ah. May inaasikaso rin kasi ako pero si Neth andun naman sa loob para bantayan ‘yung mga bata,” sabi niya bago tinapik sa balikat iyong kausap at binalingan ako’t nginitian. I just smiled back.

Sinabi sa akin ni Sister Mary, iyong unang madreng kumausap sa akin, na maya-maya na kami umuwi nila Carly dahil kakain pa raw ng lunch. Wala na akong nagawa pa at sumang-ayon na lang kaya napagdesisyunan ko na maglakad-lakad para palipasin ang oras. I went to the place where it all happened at hindi nga ako nagkamali dahil naroon pa rin iyon at mukhang mas lumaki at tumayog pa.

The tree that witnessed the beginning and the end of a once upon a time story of a young girl and boy. Of course there’s no such thing as a fairy tale like she thought there was but still, I believed. I fucking believed in that fantasy and now... my hopes only crashed down. She left me and here I am, devastated. 

Like a kid I used to be, I climbed up the old tree and made myself comfortable lying on one of its bough. I clasped my headphones lying on my shoulders like my sanity depended on it and put them on my ears. I simply want to absent myself in this messed up reality just for a while so I fished out my phone from my pocket and search for a song that can accurately describe my messed up feelings. Unconsciously, I hit play button upon seeing the right song.

‘I need another story

Something to get off my chest

My life gets kinda boring

Need something that I can confess.’

Tumingala ako at nakita ang bughaw na langit. The what ifs and what could have beens kept on popping in my mind. What if I can turn back time ten years from now and just stayed in our house that day just so I wouldn’t step a foot in that mansion, just so I wouldn’t meet that girl and let her affect me in so many ways possible? What if I can turn back time eight years from now and just decided not to go with my parents to seal a deal to support this orphanage just so I wouldn’t meet again that girl here in this very place... under this tree? What could’ve been the result if she never did happen in my life?

‘Tell me what you want to hear

Something that'll light those ears

I'm sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away’

Yeah, I have a secret. A big one. Listening to this song brings back old memories. Even if I try really hard to repress it, I can’t slip this time.

I miss her.Yes, I really do. I’m dying to see her... but that’s totally impossible. Every waking moment of my life is torture. Not being able to see her is unimaginable. Living without her is hell.

‘This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm gonna give all my secrets away.’

I miss you Angel.

Can you give me a sign that... you’re still watching over me from above?

Damn. So gay.

  

I didn’t realize that I’m now fleeing from my own reality and darkness starts to cloud my mind.

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Nakaramdam ako ng sobrang init sa katawan kaya naman idinilat ko ang mga mata ko. Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog pala ako. I looked at my watch. So, thirty minutes of sleep.

Can you give me a sign that you’re still watching over me?

I can’t believe myself that I actually thought about that. Yeah, so gay I know.

Ibinaba ko ang headphones na nasa tenga ko at hinayaan iyon sa balikat ko. Napagdesisyunan ko na ring bumaba dahil baka hinahanap na rin ako ni Phin. Pagkababa ko sa puno ang siya namang pagkahulog ng kung ano sa gilid ko. Kumunot ang noo ko’t pinulot ang bagay na ‘yon. It’s a handkerchief with a letter J embroidered at the corner.

“J?” wala sa sariling naibulong ko. What the hell does a handkerchief doing at a tree? At isa pa, kanino naman kaya ito? Parang wala naman akong napansin na panyo kanina nang umakyat ako sa puno...

Sign

Insanity perhaps already got the better of me so I bursted in laughter.  I can’t contain my feelings and so I laugh my heart away. I am going insane.

“Hoy! Anong nakakatawa? Bakit ka tumatawa mag-isa? At isa pa, bakit ka natutulog sa puno?”

Shit! Nawala bigla ang tawa ko. Nilingon ko si Phin at nakitang takang-taka siyang nakatingin sa akin at inoobserbahan ako. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng hiya. Did she see me laughing like a lunatic here? Kanina pa ba siya dyan?

Nag-iwas na lang ako ng tingin. “N-Nothing. Bakit ba bigla ka na lang sumusulpot?” iritado kong tanong kahit na hindi na ako mapakali sa tinging ibinibigay niya sa akin.

Bigla siya tumawa kaya naman lalo akong nairita. “Look at your face! PRICELESS!” And she kept on lauging and laughing like I’m some kind of a big joke. “Ang cute mamula ng mukha mong masungit!” dagdag niya habang maluha-luha na sa pagtawa. That word again.

“Tss.”

Umalis na ako’t naglakad palayo. Hinayaan ko na lang siyang tumatawa doon ng mag-isa. Habang naglalakad ay naalala ko naman iyong hawak kong panyo. Natawa talaga ako. Bakit? Hindi lang talaga ako makapaniwala sa sarili kong naniwala ako sa signs and such. Seriously?!

Ano nga bang gagawin ko dito? Itatapon ko na sana pero bigla akong natigilan. I sigh. Alright... I’ll keep this. Kung may maghahanap man nito sa orphanage na ‘to ay maibabalik ko kaagad. I’ll keep it for the sake of the owner. Pinagmasdan ko iyon. Mukha naman kasing bago at... malinis? Ibig sabihin ay hindi pa gano’n katagal iyon sa punong ‘yon but then, wala naman akong nakita nang umakyat ako doon. This is weird.

“Hey, Geff! How dare you leave me just like that?”

I inwardly groaned when I heard her playful voice again. Damn, nakakahiya talaga na may nakakita sa akin na gano’n. Binalingan ko ng tingin si Phin at... pinipigilan niya ang tawa niya.

“Tsk, stop it okay?” I said, already irritated.

She pursed her lips. Clearly, she’s not yet done laughing. “Oo, sige na! Titigil na!” pero natatawa pa rin siya.

“Tss.”

“Oh! Ito seryoso na talaga ako! Nasaan na pala si Carly?”

Itinuro ko sa kanya iyong kwarto kung saan ko nakita si Carly at ang mga bata kanina. Pumunta kaming dalawa doon at nakita si Carly na nag-iisa doon at natutulog sa isang sofabed. I sigh and gathered her in my arms.

“Go look for any nun here and tell them we’ll be leaving with Carly,” sabi ko kay Phin bago naglakad patungo sa sasakyan.

Maingat kong inihiga ang kapatid ko sa backseat. Naalala ko naman na hindi pa gaanong kabisado ni Phin ang pasikot-sikot sa orphanage kaya naman pinabantayan ko na muna si Carly sa driver nila Phin. I smiled to myself. Sigurado akong iritado na ang babaeng ‘yon dahil naliligaw na siya sa lugar na ‘to. 

Habang naglalakad ay may nakita akong bench. Sa harap ‘non ang garden kaya naisipan ko munang umupo. Tanaw din naman dito ang sasakyan kaya makikita ko kaagad kung nandoon na si Phin o wala pa.

While I gaze at the serenity of the garden, I can’t help myself but to reminisce.

Of course it’s about her.

All about this place and all the things I see here remind me of her. That’s the main reason I don’t want to go back here. Madalas naman kasi ay si Nanay Amelia ang sumusundo rito kay Carly. Ewan ko ba at ako ang napagtripan ng parents ko.

Yes. All the memories of happiness, agony, tragedy, bereavement, and heartaches are all in one place. Hindi ko alam kung ano nga ba yung nangingibabaw na nararamdaman ko ngayon. The only thing I know is that... I don’t want any of them. I want to forget those memories. I literally want to forget her. I know I’m a coward. I’m truly am. But do I have a choice? Of course I have to save myself from the pain. The pain that is too painful for me to bear.

Tao lang din ako. Nasasaktan.

Ipinikit ko na lang ang mga mata ko. And it’s as if my mind’s not cooperating with me, I see her.

I see her smiling face, her fondness to water and in contrary her disliking fire, her mannerisms, her brown eyes... everything.

Habang nakapikit ako, may narinig akong paparating na mga tao. Hmm... maybe two? Naririnig ko silang nag-uusap. Hindi pa sila lumiliko kaya hindi pa nila ako nakikita.

“Sister Malou, anong balita tungkol sa kanya?” nag-aalalang tanong ng isang babae.

“She’s here now in the Philippines. Pinipilit nga niya akong sabihin sa kanya kung nasaan si Jane. Syempre hindi ko sinabi sa kanya. I told her if she really do care about the girl’s life, hindi niya na hahayaang magkaroon pa ng ugnayan ‘to sa kanya. Kahit ‘yung kasalukuyang pangalan ni Jane hindi ko sinabi sa kanya,” anang sopistikadang boses ng isang babae.

“Ano naman daw ba ang nangyari at bumalik siya dito?”

“Nagsisisi raw siya at tinakbuhan niya ang problema ng kapatid niya pati ng kumpanya nila...”

“Sister Malou! Si Jane papunta na roon sa office mo. Sabi ko kakausapin mo.” Kumunot ang noo ko. May bagong dating na babae... making them three.

“Sige Sister Mary, mamaya ko na ikukwento sa iyo. Sister Suzy, anong sinabi mo kay Jane?”

“Sabi ko kararating mo lang tapos gusto mo siyang kausapin?” inosenteng tanong ng bagong boses.

Tumawa si Sister Malou. Well... I got the name from their conversation. “Sister Suzy salamat. Pupunta na ako sa office ko.”

“Hoy! Kanina pa kita hinahanap nandito ka lang pala! Akala ko ba hihintayin mo ako sa sasakyan?”

Napadilat kaagad ako nang narinig ko ang sigaw ni Phin. Nagulat naman ako sa isang ‘to! Napatingin tuloy sa amin si Sister... Malou ba? Lumiko na kasi siya kaya nakita na niya kaming dalawa ni Phin. Nagtama ang mga mata namin ngunit siya ang unang nag-iwas. Dumiretso na siya sa kabilang hallway. I felt a pang of guilt. I didn’t intend to listen to their conversation. It just so happen that I am in the same place then I just heard them talking.

“Huy! Tara na? Ang lalim pa ng iniisip eh,” naiinis na wika ni Phin sabay hampas sa akin.

I sigh. Pagkatayo ko ang siya namang pagtalikod sa akin ni Phin. Tiningnan ko kung ano ang nakakuha ng atensyon niya. Nakita kong tinitingnan niya ‘yung babaeng papasok sa office. She’s wearing a sundress and her hair is in a messy bun... definitely Phin’s opposite. Siya yata ‘yung Jane? Damn, so much for my eavesdropping. Tiningnan ko si Phin at nakita kong magkasalubong ang mga kilay niya. I wonder if she knew the girl.

“Phin let’s go.”

Parang bumalik naman siya sa sarili niya pagkarinig sa akin.

“O-okay.”

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“Kuya... kuya... gising na,” I heard Carly said as she started jarring me awake. I groaned in response and put a pillow over my head.

“Carly, later okay? Just let kuya sleep,” sabi ko nang hindi pa rin niya ako tinigilan. Kulang pa ako sa tulog dahil nagpuyat pa kami nila Phin at Darren sa bahay nila kagabi at nanuod ng movies na gustong-gustong gawin ng kambal. Then earlier this morning ay ipinasundo naman ni Nanay si Carly.

“Kuya we need to prepare for Ate Phin and Kuya Ren’s birthday. Wake up na.” She kept on shaking me like there’s no tomorrow, totally ignoring my obvious pleas.

“Later, Carly.” Ang kulit ni Carly! Inaantok pa ako... damn. I don’t want to have a headache.

I heard her heave a sigh. For such a young child, she really does know how to annoy the hell out of me and at the same time to be adorable. “Kuya ayaw mo?”

“Ayaw ni kuya, Carly. I said later okay? Wag makulit.” That’s final.

Tumigil na si Carly sa pangungulit. Nakapagtataka naman. Dati kasi ay hindi talaga siya tumitigil kapag kinukulit ako. I like the silence around my room...

“Where’s the sleeping monster baby?”

“Nasa loob. Ayaw niya raw bumangon.”

Tsk. Akala ko naman tumigil na si Carly. Tinawag lang pala ‘yung isa pang makulit. Nagtalukbong na lang ako. I braced myself for whatever Ren’s have for me.

“HEY BRO! AYAW MO RAW PUMUNTA SA PARTY NAMIN? ANO ‘TO BRO? MANG-IIWAN KA SA ERE? PAGKATAPOS LAHAT NG PINAGSAMAHAN NATIN ANO TO? HOY BUMANGON KA DYAN ALAM KONG ALAM MONG NAGTUTULUG-TULUGAN KA LANG DYAN! AYAW MO?!” I firmly closed my eyes. The hell? Mas malala pa siya kay Phin! No doubt, kambal nga sila.

“SO NOSY! CAN YOU SHUT UP?! ITO NA BABANGON NA!”

He laughed unswervingly as I sit up drearily. “That’s my bro!” sabay hampas sa akin. Bwisit talaga. Ibang klase. He even patted my head like a dog. Sinapak ko nga.

“HOY! MGA KUMAG! WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?! DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S IRRITATING?! HEARING YOUR AWFUL VOICES SO LOUD?!” biglang sigaw ni Phin na sumilip lang sa kwarto ko at padabog na sinara ‘yung pintuan. I looked at my closed door annoyingly. Pintuan pa man din ‘yon ng kwarto ko. Kapag talagang nasira ‘yan lagot sa akin babaeng ‘yun.

“What’s her problem?” Nakapagtataka naman kasi yung itsura niya kanina. Nang pauwi kami galing sa orphanage ay ang saya-saya niya pa to the point na naririndi na ako sa tawa at naiinis na ako sa pantitrip niya tapos ngayon parang akala mo ang laki ng dinadala.

Umiling-iling lang si Ren habang natatawa. “Hindi kasi makakarating si Alex sa party mamaya kaya ‘yun nabadtrip. Wala raw siyang escort,” pagkikibitbalikat niya. “Hindi rin yata makakapunta ang Jaguar dahil may kanya kanyang emergencies ang mga members. Hindi ko pa nga sinasabi sa mga organizers ng party. Bahala na sila doon mamaya!” then he smiled weirdly. Parang may kung ano siyang naalala.

“Ang saya mo naman yata bro? May nangyari ba?” 

Gulat siyang napatingin sa akin. Pilit naman niyang tinatago ang mga ngiti niya pero hindi rin niya magawa. “Nah. Nothing in particular.”

“Someone in particular?” Inaasar ko lang ‘tong si Ren. Babaero yan eh.

Namula bigla sabay ngiti. Hayup! May nangyari nga!

“'Tol! Congrats!” The hell with this man? He got it really bad.

“Sira! Tinamaan eh. Actually kanina lang.” Kanina lang? Ang bilis naman yata?

“Sino naman ang malas na babae?”

“Ewan ko sayo. Magbihis ka na nga! Dami pang satsat!” Nahiya pang magkwento.

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“Naks! Gwapo natin!” parang baliw na sabi ni Ren nang lumabas ako ng bahay namin kasama si Carly. Naghihintay silang dalawa ni Phin sa tapat ng gate para sa sasakyan nila.

“Wala akong pera Ren. Magtigil ka,” I said nonchalant as I fix my tie.

“Hoy! Mayaman to ‘tol! Wag ka.”

Siraulo talaga.

After 5 minutes ay may humintong sasakyan sa tapat namin  at pagkabukas nito’y may bumabang dalawang babae. Ang isa ay parang kaedad ni mom at ang isa naman ay kaedad namin nila Ren.

“Good evening po tita! Are you looking for mom?” pagbati ni Ren sa sopistikadang babaeng kaedad ni mom. Tumango ako’t ngumiti nang bumaling ang mga mata niya sa akin.

“Ah no dear. I just want to greet you happy birthday, Darren and Gayle. Gusto ko personal. Nakita ko na rin lang kayo ngayon, you know I might lose my opportunity later,” she said gracefully, na para bang matagal niya iyong pinag-praktisan.

Hindi pa rin nawawala ang mga ngiti ni Ren. “Thank you po tita. Si mom nauna na po. Oh I forgot.” Tumingin sa akin si Ren. “Geff, this is Jayah Alvarez. Tita, this is Geoffrey Mendez and her cute little sister Carly Mendez.”

“Good evening po. Carly say hi to her,” sabi ko sabay baling sa kapatid kong busy sa hawak na phone ko.

“Hi po.” Mahiyain talaga ‘tong si Carly. Napansin ko naman si Phin na nakasimangot ngunit nang binati naman siya kanina ng babae ay ngumiti naman.

Matamis siyang ngumiti sa aming dalawa. Iginiya naman niyang lumapit iyong kasama niyang babae na kanina pa tahimik sa likod niya. “Darren, Gayle, and Geoffrey, meet Liz Santillan.”

“Ikaw pala yung anak ni Tito Liam?” Naks, dumadamoves nanaman ‘tong si Ren. Napailing na lang ako.

Ngumiti rin iyong babaeng di nalalayo ang fashion sense kay Phin. “Ako nga.”

“Nice meeting you then.”

Tumingin si Ms. Alvarez sa relo niya bago muling tumingin sa amin. “We better leave. Susunduin ko pa kasi ang anak ko.”

“Sige po tita. Ingat po. Bye Liz.” Nakakatawa talaga ‘tong si Ren. We all bid our goodbyes and watched the car as it drove away.

Pinanood ko si Ren na ngayon ay parang dumoble ang galak. “Nice Ren! Siya ba ‘yung girl?”

“Nope,” he said, looking at me ridiculously.

“Hindi ba siya? Sino naman?”

“Sino pa ba? Edi ‘yung babaeng anak ng mga Alvarez.” Nagulat naman ako’t biglang nagsalita si Phin. Para talaga siyang iritado at galit sa mundo ngayon.

Tatanungin ko na sana siya kung okay pa siya ngunit dumating na ang sundo namin.

“Let’s go,” malamig niyang tawag sa amin.

Binigyan na lang ako ng Don’t mind her look ni Ren.

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Nandito kami ngayon sa birthday party ng kambal. Hinihintay namin kung anong mangyayari habang nakaupo sa isa sa mga mantle covered chairs dahil sabi ni Ren ay hindi raw makakarating ang banda nila Alex. Kawawa naman ang mga organizers at baka magalit sa kanila si Tita Brea. Siraulo talaga ‘tong si Ren. Lumapit pa nga siya doon sa stage para daw makita kung anong mangyayari. May exciting daw na magaganap mayamaya ayon sa instinct niya.

“Geff.”  

Tumingin naman ako kay Phin at nakita kong sumenyas siya na sasagutin lang niya ‘yung tumatawag sa phone niya kaya tumango na lang ako.

Ang magkapatid talaga lagi akong iniiwan. Kinuha ko na lang ang cellphone at earphones ko para makinig. Hindi naman kasi ako mahilig sa mga parties and such. I prefer to be just in my room and listen to musics or just play my piano. But this is Phin and Ren’s birthday so I need to be here and be happy for them.

“Good evening...” I heard a weird voice from the loudspeakers as I scroll down the list of songs in my phone. Hindi ko na lang iyon pinansin. Bumating muli ang boses na iyon ng Good evening kaya napagtanto kong mukhang emcee yata iyon ng party.

I decided to play this particular song when my fingers froze upon hearing the voice clearly. That very familar voice...

“Again, good evening to everyone in this enormous room! Ang totoo ay hindi dapat kami ang nasa harapan ninyo ngayong gabi...” the voice kept on talking and talking but I understood nothing of it. My mind is racing, my pulse is quickening, and my hands went cold.

Am I hallucinating? Or imagining?

“... Hope you’ll like our performance.”

Angel?

Lumipad ang tingin ko sa stage at nakita ko ang ilang mga tao na nasa stage habang may hawak na mga instruments. Dalawang babae na nakadress pero... nakajacket? At silang dalawa kasama ang lalaking guitarist ay nakamaskara. I guess the girl in front is the girl who just talked. I want to see her face!

Mabilis akong tumayo sa pwesto ko at tinungo si Ren. Kumunot naman ang noo ko nang nakita ko siyang nakangiti habang pinagmamasdan iyong stage... or rather... at the girl who’s now singing. Mariin akong pumikit at pinakinggan ang pamilyar na boses na iyon nang nagsimula siyang kumanta. I let her voice permeate my system full of sadness and desperation. Could that girl be Angel? Damn imagination! I pushed the idea aside and stomped my way to the rose garden of this Palace.

  

‘I will go there

I need time but know

that things are always closer than they seem

Now I'll do more than dream.’

I think I’m really going to lose my mind.

I spent half an hour gazing at the stars as I drowned myself with dejection and self-pity. This is her effect on me and it had been a baggage I can’t seem to give in for the past years... ‘till now.

Pinilit kong tumayo at dumiretso papunta sa main venue. Bumalik ako sa table namin nila Ren ngunit wala pa rin sila doon. I sigh, decided to just wander around the place. Nadaanan ko pa ang hallway papuntang comfort room nang bigla akong may narinig na pamilyar na boses. It’s Phin’s.

“What the eff miss! Are you blind?! Can’t you see where you’re going?!”

Mabilis kong tinungo ang pinanggalingan ng boses. 

“I’m so sorry miss! Hindi ko sinasadya. Sorry talaga.”

I swore irately at myself when I heard that voice again. What the hell is happening at my night?

Bumungad sa akin si Phin na nakaupo’t namumula ang buong mukha habang isang babae naman ang nakatayo sa harapan niya’t mukhang gustong tulungan si Phin.

“Don’t you dare touch me!”

“Pero di ka makatayo.”

Anong problema ni Phin? Hindi ko pa siya nakikitang ganyan kagalit. Is there something wrong?  Dahil mukhang wala naman siyang balak tumayo, pumagitna na lang ako sa kanilang dalawa. My hands formed into fists when an idea entered my mind.

“Ako na,” matigas kong sambit sa babaeng nasa likod ko. I didn’t dare look back but instead, helped Phin get to her feet. She’s shaking like crazy so I decided to just carry her. If this shit has something to do with Alex, I’ll surely kill the guy. I slowly turned because I remembered that the way to Phin’s room was where I came from.

“S-Sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“Don’t worry about it. Just... go,” I cut her remorselessly, very contradicting with my previous words. I slowly drag my eyes to look at the owner of that very familiar innocent voice. Then I studied her features...

I firmly closed my eyes when I heard Phin. “Please bring me to my room now.” Her pleas just made me see red. This is definitely about Alex. 

But the pull this mysterious girl have over me made me look at her again. That’s when she also lifted her eyes and they finally settled on my face. I looked at her face, carefully studying each and every angle of her soft and innocent features. Her lips... nose... even the shape of her face is different. Very different compared to my Angel. She’s not her Geff! Snap out of it!

My eyes finally landed on hers and that’s when all those repressed emotions I keep on hiding exploded within my very core. Looking at her eyes looking at me shook every wall I build around myself, protecting the last pieces of my being that was saved from the love that damaged me immensely from the past.

Those rich brown and intense orbs...

“Geff.” 

Pumikit ako at dinala ang sarili ko sa kasalukuyan. Angel is dead. She died a long time ago. Hindi tama na idamay ko pa ang babaeng nasa harapan ko at isiping siya si Angel. I’m not that crazy yet.

I started walking past her. Kinilabutan pa ako nang naamoy ko ang pabango niya. Nanunuot iyon sa bawat parte ng pagkatao ko.

Habang naglalakad, isa lang ang tumatakbo sa isipan ko. Para iyong sirang plaka na walang planong tumigil hangga’t hindi ko iyon binibigyang pansin.

She has her voice. She has her eyes.

An emotion — a dead one — in my heart was triggered by the sight of those eyes...

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