‘You
touched my trembling hand
For
the first time
And
I finally experienced
A
gentle feeling of warmth.’
I gently touch the keys
of my piano forte. I just let my voice pervade my room. I just let the music
calm my troubled mind. I just let the air in my every breathe mend my injured
heart. I just let the song fill in for the absence I’ve been experiencing since
I moved into this house.
‘I
opened the window that had been shut
And
a new wind blew in.’
I
missed the sky. I missed the fresh air. I missed my garden. I missed my
parents, and brother, and twin. I missed everything greatly while I was away...
‘til now.
But
I don’t want to leave this room...
‘Laughing,
crying, meeting you
The
world I saw began to shine
Under
the sun where the sunflowers swayed
I
felt the wind, I felt you.’
I
felt the sudden brush of air on my skin as I looked at the open window with its
blue curtain. The sun is so refreshing and so inviting. I look around my room
and a twinge of happiness struck my heart.
I
am surrounded by different musical instruments like a wall protecting me.
Seeing this, the desire to lock myself away from outside grew, like an endless
paradise designed just for me to enjoy.
‘Believing,
being lost,
And
stopping short, and everything
Maybe
it’s all an answer
To
why I’m alive here and now.’
That
paradise I built for myself suddenly crumbled. The music died in an instant.
The wind stopped its dance. The time came to a halt. My fingers froze.
Everything stopped.
But
I felt how the fast beating of my heart started. Breathing seemed so difficult
now.
I
gaped at the kid who happened to witness my play. I don’t remember someone
standing at my bedroom door. He is this ordinary kid with tousled hair, fine
clothes... with expressive eyes and a charming smile.
“Please
continue,” he said with that hopeful
smile.
He liked my song. I almost smiled at the thought.
I
continue playing but my mind starts to wander.
Why is he here?
‘Let
my monochromatic days
Take
on colour.’
I
continued playing and touching the white keys but I noticed how my fingers
trembled as they move. My voice though seemed smaller than before... like
almost a whisper.
I guess he just mistaken my room from
hers. I concluded.
I
want to tell him that he entered the wrong room. I want to tell him that he’s
looking at the wrong girl. I want to tell him that he’s at the wrong place.
But
my tongue betrayed me... as well as my heart.
In
an instant, I want him to be here with me. In an instant, I want to abandon my
instruments and just stare at those beautiful eyes and smile. In an instant, I
became selfish.
I
don’t know why but maybe I just don’t know myself... yet.
If
that’s the case, I don’t want to know myself any further because I don’t think
there’s a good part in this kind of existence. Please don’t forget this memory Miracle.
But
I want to know this kid. I want to know him more... and for him to know me as
well.
Even though my mind couldn’t be
trusted.
Is
that a selfish thought?